Some Questions I Asked Myself Before Choosing to Become Jewish

I am a jewish convert, and I say so proudly to anyone who will listen. Choosing to convert was one of the biggest decisions of my life, and one that is not to be made lightly for anyone that chooses to. It requires a full year or more of study under a trained rabbi, reading books, taking classes, sometimes even learning to read and speak hebrew, and most importantly, immersing yourself in jewish culture and practice.

The exact process, of course, varies from movement to movement in Judaism. There are a few main movements, Reform, Conservative, Reconstructionist, and Orthodox, and then a few others that aren't as widely practiced. I'm not going to get into the breakdown of what each movement is and believes, but each movement has their own beliefs and customs, not to mention the differences in beliefs and customs among ashkenazi, sephardic, and mizarhi jews. But no matter the movement, converting is meant to be a long and sometimes difficult process. One custom, even, is to turn potential converts away three times before allowing them to actually start converting.

When someone chooses to become jewish, and goes through the conversion process, they become jewish wholly and fully, and there are no differences between a jewish convert and a born jew. A convert becomes ethnically and religiously jewish, and is granted exactly the same status as a born jew in all regards. So to say that a conversion is both a huge undertaking and a huge personal transformation is an understatement. No matter what level of religious observance a convert chooses for themself, converting changes everything. A convert takes on 4000 years of history, of persecution, of oppression, 4000 years of religious law, of custom, of holidays, 4000 years of joy and celebration. A convert takes on everything that has ever happened to the jewish people, good and bad, as if it were our own — because it is.

This has certainly been the case for me. Everything in my life and every decision I make is influenced by the fact that I am jewish. Even my ethics and morals have changed to reflect jewish values (though, to be honest, they were pretty well aligned to begin with). It's been a joyful change for me, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but the reality is that everything in my life has changed and will be changed forever.

I come from a very christian background, and a very traumatic one at that. I grew up going to church 3+ times a week. My parents used christianity to isolate and abuse me and my brothers. My church targeted me as a young queer person and I heard all my life that I was an abomination before g-d and was going to hell for my sin. This isn't the post for that, and I'm not going to go into further detail right now, but it was really bad and left me with deep religious wounds, fear, and confusion. I even tried deconstructing and reconnecting with christianity as an adult, without any of the pressure or force from my childhood, but I found it to be irreconcilable.

So when I first started thinking about converting to judaism, I was very, very careful to make sure that I wasn't doing it for the wrong reasons or trying to heal from my other religious trauma. There was a lot of introspection to be done, some of which was done with the help of a therapist, but most of which was done on my own. There was introspection to be done even separate from my religious trauma because of how huge of a decision converting actually is. It was hard to do on my own without any guidance, so I'm going to give y'all some of the most important questions that I asked myself and truly thought about before making the decision to start my journey. There will be other posts where I talk about my answers to these questions, but for now I'm just going to list them and give a little more information about what they're asking. The first section of questions is just general questions to ask yourself and think about, and the second is for people with a christian background or religious trauma specifically.

• What do I believe about g-d?

In judaism, there are a lot of different beliefs about g-d, and what or who g-d is. There are atheist jews. There are jews who believe in g-d but not as a supernatural being. There are jews who believe in g-d as an all powerful supernatural being. There isn't a wrong answer here as long as you don't intend to worship other gods or worship multiple gods or deities, but its good to ask yourself anyways. I'm far from an expert so I would really recommend doing your own research about the different jewish perceptions of and beliefs about g-d!

• What kind of relationship with g-d would make the most sense in my life?

• What kind of relationship with g-d would make me the happiest?

I've grouped these two questions together because when I was answering them I found they were almost exactly the same answer for me, but they might not be the same answer to you. These feel fairly straightforward and I'm not sure how to explain them further.

• Do I really need a relationship with g-d?

This is a really important question to ask yourself. Do you really need a relationship with g-d? In jewish belief, you don't have to have any kind of relationship with g-d in order to be a good person or live a fulfilling life. It is simply not necessary. You can be kind and give to charity and care about animals and be happy and fulfilled without having any relationship with g-d, and there is no real jewish belief in an everlasting hell. Do you need to have a relationship with g-d for your own personal or spiritual reasons?

• Am I thinking about conversion for the sole reason of having a relationship with g-d in that way?

One of the main reasons for choosing to convert to judaism is to make yourself a part of the covenant with g-d and the jewish people, but community also plays a huge role is judaism and jewish life. There is no right or wrong answer to this question as long as your reasons for wanting to convert are in genuinely good faith.

• Am I willing to follow jewish law?

This isn't an all or nothing question, and its certainly not as simple as yes or no. Its complicated and nuanced, and requires at least a basic understanding of what some jewish laws (or mitzvot) are. Intention here is more important that getting is perfect or even trying to get it perfect. The question is really asking if you are willing to at least try.

• Why am i feeling called to judaism?

This is one of the more abstract questions that doesn't add too much to the actual decision whether conversion is right for you or not. It's just a nice thing to think about and chances are you'll be asked it by your rabbi, beit den, or at some other point during your conversion if you do choose to convert.

• Am i dedicated enough to go through the conversion process and permanently change my life for this relationship with g-d and the jewish people?

• Am i going to be able to deal with the antisemitism?

Antisemitism is hard to cope with and can be scary at times. When people choose to convert, they're choosing to make themselves a target. Is it worth it to you? Do you have a support system in place that you can go to when you experience it? Are you okay with losing friends or family members because of it? Are you okay with your favorite show being ruined because all you can see when you watch it is the underlying antisemitism? Antisemitism is everywhere and its terrifyingly on the rise. I'm not trying to scare anyone out of choosing to convert but antisemitism is a harsh reality that every jew has to learn to live in spite of. There is jewish joy and love in spite of it, and to me the joys of being jewish far outweigh it but no one else can truly make that decision for you.

• do jewish beliefs align with the things that I already feel and believe?

If you beliefs don't align at all with jewish beliefs already, you may want to look for another religion that does instead.

• Would i be willing to teach my kids about jewish culture and religion?

If you want to have kids in the future, this is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself while considering conversion. In judaism, raising your kids with jewish knowledge and love of their jewish heritage is incredibly important. Jewish kids are the future of the jewish people! If you're in a long term relationship with a non-jew (or multiple non-jews) this is a conversation to have with them while you're thinking about converting! There is nothing wrong with raising kids in interfaith families and there is nothing wrong with raising kids to love and respect your partner(s) religion too (or letting kids that are old enough make their own choices about religious observance and practice) but this is still an important thing to talk and think about.

• How would this affect my relationship with my partner(s)?

• How would this affect my relationship with my family?

• How would this affect my friendships?

Being jewish probably will affect your relationships in some way! I found that I was pleasantly surprised by some people in my life and negatively surprised by others. I lost a long term relationship with someone I was absolutely certain would support me, but someone that I thought would never support me has been one of my allies and has taken it upon herself to read and learn about my holidays and traditions!

• What are some major changes that I would need to make in my life to follow jewish laws? am i willing to make these changes?

• Am i willing to participate in jewish communities and culture?

These two questions go hand-in-hand.

• Is this a hyperfixation that I'm going to lose interest in after a little while or is this a long term commitment that I could really make in my life?

It's okay to not know the answer to this one right away! Take the time to read and study for a few months and see where your interest level is at the end of that if you really aren't sure. There's absolutely no harm in learning about judaism even if you choose not to convert later on.

• Do i really feel that i was supposed to be jewish?

The next few questions are the ones I asked myself specifically because of my christian upbringing and religious trauma.

• Am I thinking about conversion to get away from or escape the trauma that i have in christianity?

• Am i thinking about conversion because i long for a religion?

• Can i deconstruct the things I've been taught about christianity well enough to successfully convert to judaism and live jewishly?

Ultimately all of these questions are just to give you a starting point of things to think about to help you make such a monumental and life changing decision. There are other things to think about and consider, and the answers are going to be different for every single person, whether they choose to convert or not. This is far from some comprehensive guide to answering the question of whether conversion is right for people or not. I just found these questions helpful during my own journey and hope they can be helpful during other peoples' journeys!